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Ovo je posebno za našeg kolegu DraženP i svima koji ne vole Chuck Norrisa il ne znaju tolko dobro englešćinu se ispričavam na ubijanju skrola na Vašem mišu samo da prođu ovaj post. Daklem da počnemo:
Chuck Norris’s penis is so big that it has a penis of its own and it is still bigger than yours.
Chuck Norris doesnt consider it sex if the woman lives
When Chuck Noris jumps in a pool he dosen’t get wet water gets Chuck Noris.
Chuck Noris round house kicked the leaning tower of piza
Chuck Noris isn’t hung like a horse a horse is hung like him..
The atom bomb isn’t real.. It’s just Chuck falling out a plane and punching the ground..
Wat is the quickest way to mans heart?
Chuck Noris’s fist.
Chuck Noris retards are just people that have been round house kicked in the face by Chuck Noris
Chuck Norris pees in a can and sells it as redbull.
God wanted to create the world in 10 days… Chuck Norris gave him 6.
Most people put their pants on one leg at a time, Chuck Norris does both legs at once.
It never rains when Chuck Noris is around, if it tried he would just roundhouse kick every single raindrop
a stagnant container of chuck norris’s urine turns in to diamonds after 2 days
There are actually 8 wonders of the world. Chuck Norris counts for 4 of them.
this was actually a dictionary website until it said chuck norris spelled something wrong so he round house kicked it into this.
God said let there be light, Chuck Noris said say please.
The Devil went down to Georgia not because he was looking for a soul to steal.. Chuck Norris took over hell for two weeks and told the Devil to get the fuck out.
Chuck Norris is the reason that God rested on the seventh day.
Three simple rules of survival:
1. Don’t take the name of Chuck in vain
2. When in the presence of Chuck, avert your eyes, lest you recieve a roundhouse kick to the face
3. When camping, bring toilet paper
There Is No Such Thing As A Lesbian, There Are Just Girls Who Haven’t Met Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesn’t eat nails for breakfast, he eats rail road spikes.
This just in:
“Alexandria the prophet” was currently found in Japan, where she apparantly landed after a good round house kick to the face by god…I mean Chuck Norris.
Someone once asked Chuck Norris “How much wood, could a wood chuck chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck wood?” uppon completing of the sentance Chuck Norris just smiled. Two seconds later Chuck resorected Bruce Lee and he proceeded to roud house kick the person to death for taking the name of Chuck in vein.
Chuck Norris enventd a time machine and went back to just before j.f.k. was shot, he jumped in front of the bullets and shattered them all with his beard. j.f.k. died out of pure amazement.
Superman only has two weeknesses. Kryptonite and a round house kick from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once commented, “There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none.”
Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.
Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris’s nutsack.
When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.
Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king’s horses and all the king’s men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.
When Chuck Norris played golf for money, chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to chuck,”excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a hole”. Chuck Norris turned towards the man and said, im Chuck Norris, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways.
Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight.
Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is “The Two”
Chuck Norris’ iPod came with a real charger instead of just a USB cord.
Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.
Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times.
China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn’t Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus’ birthday.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.
Chuck Norris once kicked a baby elephant into puberty
Multiple people have died from Chuck Norris giving them the finger.
Chuvk Norris once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his own head.
Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.
Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
Chuck Norris never cries, because of this when he’s sad he roundhouse kicks himself and it makes him feel better since he knows he is the only one who can survive the roundhouse.
Chuck Norris does not procreate, he breeds
Chuck Norris’ sperm is so energetic that when he busts… Well, I’ll leave the rest up to your imagination.
When asked what type of vehicle he drives, Chuck Norris responded slyly with “Don’t you mean what kind of vehicle drives me?”
Chuck Norris’ evil twin brother, Richard Simmons, once approached Chuck with the hope of reconciliation, but at the sight of Richard’s curly, well kept hair, Chuck Norris became so enraged that he turned green with hate and ripped Richard Simmons arms and legs off. This action was the origin of the Marvel Comic badass, The Incredible Hulk.
Chuck Norris doesn’t worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to.
God has nothing to do with the creation of the heavens and the earth, it was Chuck Norris’s roundhouse kick to the face of God that allowed him to create the heavens and the earth.
Chuck Norris was once walking along the Sahara Desert when he decided he needed shelter from the sun. So he stared at the sand until it melted into 2 ton blocks. He then made his shelter which we now call the Great Pyramids.
Adam and Eve never existed. What really happened, was that Chuck Norris sneezed and a human fetus emerged from his nose, this was the beginning of man.
Chuck Norris was not alowed to be a part of UFC,NFL,PGA,NBA,NHL or any Olympic event for fear that too many deaths would occure….
Chuck Norris masterbates with a sledgehammer.
Sonic booms are really Chuck Norris’s orgasms.
Chuck Norris wrote every single edition of the Choose Your Own Adventure books. He wrote them all under pennames to hide the fact that they are autobiographical.
Chuck Norris prefers Mr. Pibb to Dr. Pepper. When asked why, he responded, “I don’t trust doctors.” He proceeded to shot laser beams out of his eyes and ate the hearts of everyone in the room.
Chuck Norris is actually Jeeves from AskJeeves.com
Chuck Norris has every single copy of National Geographic in his basement. He also has the ability to lift every single one of them at once.
Chuck Norris lives by one rule: No Asian Chicks.
The role of Alf, from the hit 80s TV show of the same name was actually played by Chuck Norris’ penis.
Chuck Norris eats pieces of metal for breafast and shits out a tool shed at lunch.
In 1945, Adolf Hitler was really kicked to death by a five year old Chuck Norris.
Mr. Clean is really Chuck Norris with a shaved head and an ear-ring.
Chuck Norris also played the Black guy in Walker Texas Ranger.
Chuck Norris found a portal to Hell where he repeatedly gave the Devil a round house kick to the face.
Chuck Norris invented american flag pants.
Chuck Norris has slept with a woman from every country except China and Japan.
“No Asian chicks.”
Chuck Norris invented the beard.
In the 80’s it was discovered that President Reagan had an inoperable growth on his brain. Rather than letting him die, they shrunk Chuck Norris and injected him into President Reagan. There, he fought the tumor and defeated it with a round house kick to the face. The tumor died and Chuck Norris safely exited Ronald Regan’s body. Chuck Norris then had Reagan’s tumor mounted on his wall next to the elephant that he killed with his bare hands and the dinosaur he shot on his hunting expedition to the Jurassic Period.
Chuck Norris has no use for books since he has a little computer that just downloads information into his brain. He likes to think Charles Dickens’ stories while he works out.
During the 1970’s he taught The Price is Right host Bob Barker karate.(True)
Every night at 8:00, a truck pulls up to Chuck Norris’ house. In the truck are a bunch of orphans. For the next half-hour, Chuck Norris practices roundhouse kicks on the orphans while “It’s a Hard Knock Life” plays in the background. At the end of the session, the orphans say “Thank you, Mr. Norris.” in perfect unison, then march into the truck in silence.
Chuck Norris’ penis is so large, that he in fact has to tie it around his left leg so that it doesn’t get in the way of his round-house kick.
Chuck Norris killed the Pope with a roundhouse kick to the chest after an argument over who had a better beard, Jesus or Norris.
Chuck Norris told Kid Rock that God doesn’t know why, but Chuck Norris does.
Chuck Norris saw evil, spoke evil, and heard evil. Then he gave evil a sharp roundhouse kick to the head.
Chuck Norris diabolically invented Vin Diesel in an effort to help win WWII.
Chuck Norris came up with the idea for the Total Gym after trying to bench press his own penis. He found that he needed to start with a
lighter weight and work his way up.
Chuck Norris commands all five lions of Voltron simultaneously.
After reading the Letters to the Editor in his local newspaper, Chuck Norris became enraged at the fact that Richard Dean Anderson was considered sexier by women in the coveted 65+ demographic. To increase his sex appeal to older women, Chuck Norris tried to build a Missle Defense System out of a tube of chapstick, six rubber bands, a spork from KFC and a copy of Sports by Huey Lewis and the News. This soon became the prototype for the Total Body Gym Workout Machine.
Chuck Norris is actually just Bob Saget in his invincible mech suit.
Chuck Norris has covered his entire house in tinfoil to prevent Steven Seagal and Vin Diesel from collectively applying the force-choke to him. When applying the tinfoil, he inadvertantly applied it shiny-side down, thus effectively drawing heat from teh sun into his house. The resulting oven-like enclosure actually damaged his skin and deadened his nerve-endings, giving him his freakish ability to withstand pain.
Chuck Norris is a mammal. Chuck Norris fights ALL the time. The purpose of Chuck Norris is to flip out and roundhouse kick people.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
When Chuck Norris was a teenager, he once impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the Himalaya mountains. 9 months later, the nuns all gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in NFL history.
When the Boogeyman goes to bed he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris plays baseball he hits a homerun every time by roundhouse kicking the baseball. He then procedes to fuck all the girls in the stadium with his beard.
Chuck once got shot in the head. He then proceeded to surgically remove the bullet with his beard as foreceps and then ate it because his daily iron count was low.
Ice isn’t cold water, it’s water that is scared still by Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, “Don’t worry about it honey,” and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, “Never question Chuck Norris.”
Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
If you look at Chuck Norris while he is smiling, your entire family will get AIDS.
Chuck Norris has an ongoing feud with the Keebler elves. It started when they stole his idea for putting a kitchen in a tree. While the elves now make subpar cookies in the tree, Chuck’s tree contains a fully functioning crystal meth lab.
Chuck Norris can actually breath fire.
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is “Charles”. Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
In the back of the Guinness Book of World Records it states “All records are currently held by Chuck Norris, and the records listed in this book are only the records of those people who have come closest to Chuck Norris’s records.”
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
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